That Drifting Excrement Was Way Too Symbolic! These Are the TV Disappointments of the Year.
As we reflect on the television offerings of the past year, a handful of shows emerge not for their brilliance, but for their notable failures. Ranging from awkward sequels to bafflingly poor documentaries, here are the productions that left us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.
And Just Like That
Where to begin with this love/hate spin-off? Plagued with dreadful scripts, painful character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show fought to find its footing. For a moment, as the final season began, it looked like it had at last found its groove. Then came an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator announced this would be the final season. It ended on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was just way too on-the-nose. Still, fans certainly had a hoot dissecting every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a little sob?
All’s Fair
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was almost the smallest of this drama's issues. The recipient of a very rare zero star assessment, it was hard to know where to start listing the flaws. The hilariously leaden dialogue? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and consumption? The seemingly wilful procession of cliches? Acting so bad they felt almost malicious? Let’s just say “all of the above” and forget about this series again. Except, a second season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.
The Charlie Sheen Documentary
Given the legal troubles, abuse allegations and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d truly have gleaned it from this three-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive hedonism while struggling to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any sympathy this series might induce should be saved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charming but dismissive egotist.
The Iris Affair
Naturally we understood it was preposterous from the get-go: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.
The Gangster Drama
Shady characters convening in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.
In truth, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many seem a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate unconvincing dialects. But there were plenty of other problems. Primarily that it was just really dull; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various cockney picaresques which seemed a bit basic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Considering the degree to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s performatively enraged commentators, it’s temptingly easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into twee lifestyle as intentional provocations. But then you watch them and are compelled to concede that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine come to life; a meme for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark platitudes and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by immense, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.
The Beckham Documentary
There are obviously interesting things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, identity, self-worth. But for some reason, this three-part series opted not to say them. Instead, the viewing was like consuming a marketing catalogue. She clearly has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any helps with this cagey non-event of a series.
The Inheritance
It should have been the next big hit – except even camper, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality managing her estate. What more could you ask for? As contestants competed, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too confusing to detail what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up reeking of a programme that was straining desperately to emulate something way beyond it.
The Lena Dunham Romcom
How does one succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was immense for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of famous friends involved felt uncomfortable.
The Sketch Show Return
Not good enough to be ‘uneven’.
Given the smart recruitment of gifted emerging comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar irate mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.
The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be handled sensitively. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lumbering from strangely jaunty, slightly mannered farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A total mess? Absolutely.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We admire the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius in history, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? No! This international thriller about secret services targeting – and killing off – academics honestly got more absurd by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This hagiography followed the online personality renowned for explicit exploits as she prepared for her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was far greater interrogation of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and absolutely no critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a young daughter too.
