Those Advice given by A Parent That Saved Us when I became a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of fatherhood.

But the truth soon became "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her main carer while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good place. You need assistance. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader failure to communicate amongst men, who still absorb damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a display of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to request a respite - taking a short trip away, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "terrible choices" when younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a friend, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their stories, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their pain, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my job is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."